He said/She said (WILL YOU LISTEN)!!

Disagreements are something mostly everyone has experienced at some point in their lifetime. Men and women are uniquely different and with that so is our communication level. According to Tannen women create relationships by exchanging secrets, and ultimately find conversations as a way of establishing friendships. Women want their husbands to be not only their lover but their best friend, in whom they can be themselves and discuss anything with. I could relate to this because I see my spouse as my best friend and the person I could share anything with and not be judge upon. Men establish friendships a lot differently than women by talking less and doing more active things together like sports,etc. Which can explain why some disagreements that my spouse and I have had end up the way they do.

The other evening I was at home relaxing with my spouse when I had brought up a conversation dealing with our vacation plans. We had planned a vacation a while back and it is coming up in the next couple of weeks and I was doing some last minute arrangements. I simply wanted his opinion on the type of excursions he would like to do on our vacation. I dislike it when I have to choose everything, its not fun! I like it to be 50-50 not just me making plans and he knows that. He actually is really good and giving me his input but I guess that particular day I got the impression like Tannen says, "He just doesn't care"! With my spouse not saying much on the topic and the body language he was giving made a disagreement occur. Now what could have been just on the vacation topic now turned into to "why are you ignoring me"? Everything went south all from a misunderstanding.

Tannen mentioned an example about a guy that would cover his eyes to concentrate on what his girlfriend was telling him so he can get a better understanding and listen properly. The girlfriend took it as if the boyfriend was playing around or suddenly going to sleep. This example that Tannen gives reminded me of my spouse and I because when I was talking to my spouse he began to lay down with his eyes closed as well. I took it as if he was ignoring me but when I asked him he said he was paying attention but I was not used to that body language. When we normally have conversations we mostly sit and look at each other and tell one another about our day. I was wrong about my spouses body language, I should have not jump to conclusions. Tannen's article on sex, lies, and conversation has great ideas to help resolve or at least explain the issues of disagreements between the opposite sex. Now that I know Tannen's ideas hopefully it can help me with disagreements in the future whether it be with my spouse or any individual of the opposite sex.